A modern book report on “Intimate Communion” by David Deida
A question I get asked very often is from women asking how they can “change” their partner, make them more spiritual and more motivated. My answer is that you cannot change anyone, but when the feminine rises up, the masculine can rise up too, and when the feminine steps back, the masculine can step up.
First we must reprogram the belief that all relationships are meant to be 50/50
When my husband and I first got together he was earning two times more money than I, was 13 years older, and had money in the bank (which I did not). I was working in the low-paying fashion industry, unsure what I wanted to do with my life and could barely pay my bills. Needless to say, he took a dominant masculine roll in our relationship.
We felt settled in this dynamic and it allowed me to sink into my feminine energy and creativity, and I birthed my business. Working in my business forced me into my masculine. I was driven by my success, making quantumly more money than my husband, working longer hours, asserting more drive, and eventually I was able to have my husband leave his high paying job to support me in my business. I thought this was the dream! I "retired" my husband and we were going to take over the world with my business.
Slowly the dynamic became undesirable for both of us. I craved more flow and less pressure, and he craved more control and more purpose.
I was searching for answers on how to release the pressure that this role had placed on me, and stumbled across the book "Intimate Communion" by David Deida. Simultaneously, my husband borrowed a book from a friend called "The Way of the Superior Man" and we soon realized we were reading books by the same author (Thank you, Universe!).
Intimate Communion, which I highly suggest you read, describes how 50/50 partnerships do not allow either partner to thrive, and that what we really strive for is an environment where we can settle into our innate energy and thrive as a unit.
Humans of every gender and sexual orientations harness both feminine and masculine energy, but we all lean towards one of them as it relates to relationships. For example, I am a straight woman, and I personally feel my natural state in a relationship is most expressed when I resume the feminine role in a relationship, although I do tend to portray lots of masculine energy when it comes to business.
In order for a relationship to thrive, the feminine and masculine energy must be in balance, and both members of the relationship need to embody their innate role.
Think of how a battery works. It needs to have the positive and negative fully charger in order for energy to ignite. This balance is how relationships thrive not only as a partnership, but for each partners to fulfill their most magnetic energy.
When it comes to shifting the energy into balance, the feminine energy needs to adjust first
I always remember a quote from Shaman Durek on my podcast, Chakra Girl Radio, Episode #87 where he said "Feminine energy is Quantum and masculine energy is linear". What he meant is that when the feminine energy adjusts in a relationship, the masculine energy automatically adjusts to balance it.
I knew that no amount of complaining, asking him to be more masculine, or pressuring him to step up was not going to work. I had to settle into my feminine in order for each of us to adjust.
I decided to pull back from the pressure I was putting on myself at work, and to embrace ease, elegance, flow and empathy.
I started intentionally dressing in more feminine clothing, showing more affection and support, allowing myself to receive pleasure and simply breathing more deeply and practicing more grace.
I released the pressure that I was putting on myself and business and leaned into trust that I was being taken care of by the masculine.
Slowly the dynamic started to shift. He started pursuing his passion and celebrating financial wins, and I had more energy to create, and in fact, came up with the idea for PRISM.
Every day we strive for more balance. We have not perfected it, but we now know how to find the balance and have an acute awareness of when we need to be more intentional.
These are some steps we took that will support you in finding a healthier balance in your relationships:
- Have the conversation with your partner and create a big vision for your partnership and your future together
- Determine your innate energy and how they play a role in each area of your partnership
- In bed
- Around the house
- Travel and adventure
- Family planning
- Adjust your feminine energy with daily practice and intention. Allow more, control less.
- Have periodic checkins
- Practice flexibility, open communication and compassion
This article is for informational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. The views expressed in the article are the views of the cited guest/expert and do not necessarily represent the views of PRISM.
WRITTEN BY: AMBER-LEE LYONS
Amber-Lee is the Founder of PRISM, as well as an expert in all things chakras, reiki, crystals, multidimensionality and 5D-9D consciousness. She’s also obsessed with fashion, beauty and wellness and created Prism as the ultimate hub for where spirituality meets luxury. She’s the founder and operator of Chakra Girl Co., founded in 2015, and quickly became a key thought leader and influencer in the spiritual space.